Before I begin, this is a conversation I would like to have with everyone who happens upon this page – so please read AND leave a comment to further the discussion.
Thanks.
So … What is a “Gentleman”?
The Elusive "Gentleman"
To some, he’s a man in a suit and a tie who carries himself “well” at all times. To others, he’s a person who can control any situation gracefully while maintaining his masculinity. Some say, “He’s a manly man,” or “He’s a lover.” I’ve even heard people hint along the lines of the term excluding certain groups of men because of their lifestyle, race, income, etc.
Well I can’t speak for every author of GentlemanREDUX.com, but I personally believe the term “Gentleman” goes beyond style or income. It’s a perspective on life – a “code” if you will. Simply put – I think a Gentleman is an honest man who treats others and himself well because he is driven to do so. His appearance does not factor into that equation, nor does his ethnicity, income, occupation, or any of those other superficial minutiae.
That was simply put (if you want to have a deeper conversation about the meaning with me, e-mail me at johnnie@GentlemanREDUX.com).
I believe his definition is beyond the traditional “James Bond-esque” things, however I admittedly don’t know what an exact “Gentleman” is beyond my own view.
That is where you all come in. Lend me your insight. Help GentlemanREDUX.com expand on- or redefine what it means to be a “Gentleman” in the modern era.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, all opinions are valued.
Please leave a comment stating what you think a “Gentleman is”…
Johnnie Weathersby III is the founder and "Lead Scribbling Gent" of GentlemanREDUX.com. He was born and (proudly) raised in Kansas City, MO - smack dab in the Midwest Region of the US. An avid blogger, tweeter, and general social media advocate - Johnnie is a self-confessed Gent in training with a constant slant towards communication and personal growth. 
Thank you for posing this question Johnnie. I have found that a gentleman at best is very self aware. He is a person that does not have the desire to be first. He is so comfortable with himself that he makes a concerted effort to listen more than he speaks, he observes most times and takes action when necessary. He is beyond clothing, culture or social-economic status. In my estimation, a gentleman is a man of values. He is not full of himself or has the need to be the center of attention. Modest in habits, shrewed in conduct and full of reciprocity.
Well said sir – especially the part about him being “at best … very self aware.”
Someone recently asked me, “how would you describe a Distinguished Gentleman?”
It’s not something I normally think about to be honest – so I had to sleep on it. When I finally responded, all I could say was that he’s “a man who knows he could do better, and actually does…”
Again – well said.
I will say what it is not: Appearance.
You all get this, but I feel the need to emphasize it because while Johnnie deals with many aspects of being a gentlemen, there is significant coverage of appearance and a lot of information that deals more with social norms and can be easily misconstrued, in my opinion.
I think a gentleman knows who and what he is – to the extent that he doesn’t, he is actively working on that pursuit (e.g. Johnnie). He has pride in himself, but does not devalue anyone else. This is not just from his perspective, others have to FEEL this as well.
Personally, my biggest problem is presenting myself in a way that does not make other people feel devalued — I have damaged many relationships with my inability to do this. I say that because it is hardest for people who are off the beaten path; we spend so long convincing ourselves of what we’re doing that there’s no effort put into making sure others understand that their paths and methods are also respectable. Contrary to what many think, a gentleman does CARE what other people think – even though he is wise enough to stay on his chosen path regardless of the same.
Wow:
“I think a gentleman knows who and what he is – to the extent that he doesn’t, he is actively working on that pursuit (e.g. Johnnie). He has pride in himself, but does not devalue anyone else. This is not just from his perspective, others have to FEEL this as well. ”
That was deep. Don’t beat yourself up so much. I’ve noticed you work on that man. You’ve leaned into it as well — and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be you and seek to work on where you feel you fall short (like you said). Those who are meant to stay will do so, those who aren’t will get upset and stop helping you grow by walking out. Their loss.
My definition of a gentleman is a man who takes pride in himself and his family, a man who understands the true meaning of work ethic as well as the true meaning of love. One who cares, is kind to others, honest, reliable, sweet, and knows he has a savior. One who can be admired or adored. A man who will listen not hear, a man who won’t doubt under fear. A man who will tell you your beautiful and not hot, and man who learns from his mistakes, a courteous and strong indiviual.
I agree with everyone that has posted. A gentleman is all of those things called out: Respectful, does the right thing, etc. The one thing that I would add is that it’s easy to be perceived as a gentleman when everyone is watching. A true gentleman acts with the same respect, dignity and concern for others when no one else is watching, too.
Bill that is a great callout!! If you ever want to write for this blog (seriously) – you now who to contact.
These are all great additions so far everyone – please keep them coming and tell your friends about it.
I think a lot of people have similar ideas of what defines a gentleman. I agree with most everything posted on here – He’s polite, courteous, and comfortable enough in his own skin to make others feel comfortable around him. I’d also go a little further to say that a gentleman’s sense of responsibility to do the right thing isn’t going to be rattled by people who either mistreat him, take him for granted, or try to take advantage of his values.
I think a real gentleman is too rooted in doing right over wrong that he’d sooner do without before someone else around him goes wanting, and he’d do so not for the recognition, but because its what feels right in his heart.
In most connotations that I’ve seen the word “gentleman” referenced, it has had to do with the respect a man shows for a lady. That would include pulling out chairs, opening doors, etc. While I think that is true, I don’t think it’s all-encompassing. To me, a gentleman is someone who can show respect for everyone. He is someone who actually handles his responsibilities and takes care of his family (provided he has one), rather than just talks about it. I think a gentleman is someone who respects himself and dresses like it. That doesn’t necessarily mean suits or expensive clothing; it just means that he cares about how he looks and how he is perceived due to his dress…
Johnnie, I don’t think your motivation was selfish. understanding that your choices effect the people around you is responsible and a good motivator. I think that mindset comes with manhood
So to answer the question a gentleman is someone who has respect for himself and the people around him. He understands that being the man means stepping up and leading and he takes full responsibility for this. Like Lindsey said, hes not perfect so he recognizes learning opportunities and takes heed to them.
As stated before there are many other facets of a gentleman including higher thinking, determination and hard work when meeting goals, and confidence and security in himself.
Awwww – thanks KG! And I think you’ve made some good adds – I am curious though… when you say that being a man means “stepping up and leading” – what about those men who don’t lead but still strive to be a gentleman. Is that possible?
Johnnie-I know your question was not directed at me but I have some thoughts =) Personally, I find it hard to separate being a gentleman and NOT “stepping up and leading” from each other. I find them to be similar to peanut butter and jelly (they belong together and one without the other isn’t quite right). However! I think that the majority of my opinion comes from the way I was raised and socialized.
I think being a gentleman is a lot of things. It’s true that it is far more than just dressing nice. A gentleman understands the responsibilities of being a man. He understands that it is not enough to come of a certain age and automatically be called a man. A gentleman is responsible, and dependable. He is also courteous and considerate to others. And he strives to do the right thing. He knows that he will be sucessful in life and is a very dertermined individual and does not let little, petty things hold him back.
Good points madam. So then I’m assuming the “Responsibilities of Being a Man” (good idea for an opinion poll later on) are in your 4th sentence?
I think being a gentleman is all about grace. It’s about moving smoothly–knowing how to have polite interactions. Calming chaos. Comforting the flustered. You know, just smoothing thangs out.
We’ve already had this discussion on the side sir, but thanks for commenting on here as well and being a part of the site’s conversation. I agree with you partially. While I think this is a portion of what being a gentleman is about, I fel like he has to have more to him. But maybe I speak to soon…
I think a gentleman is one who is caring-not to show off but really cares about others. He is one who treats women with respect-in word and deed and regardless of age or looks. He knows that treating a woman with respect is not treating her as less, simply different.
I don’t want to draw a perfect picture b/c he has faults (no one is perfect) but he is honest about them and open to changing to better himself.
My question is: What fuels all this? What is the motivation in a man to be a gentleman?
First thanks for commenting madam. Secondly – I’d say a desire to be better fuels me. I just have standards set for myself because I know I’m not the only one who benefits when I do better. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s the truth. Just makes you feel better when you know you’re doing something “right” these days. Anyone else got 2 cents on this one?
Nice start to the conversation, Johnnie. I agree, a Gentleman is an honest man who treats others and himself well because he is driven to do so. Furthermore, I believe that a Gentleman is driven to do this without ulterior motive. In other words, a Gentleman finds this action itself full of merit, and both consciously and subconsciously expunges conflicting base ulterior inspiration from his person.
Word – I have to agree with you. He’s not an opportunist (at least in this sense). Thanks for the add dude – these thoughts will help to shape the ideas and direction of the site.