I was having an interesting conversation with a friend the other day about how Masculinity, while desirable in all man (sorry Softer-Gents – it just is), can really mess us up on the Romance end of things. He even mentioned an article that he read that explored how it messes dudes’ sexual performance up because they can never fully enjoy the experience due to their masculinity holding them back…
O_o
While I didn’t research that article – I did find something rather odd about the entire discussion. You see, I didn’t necessarily agree with him because I’ve just always felt like I’ve made my own choices. I’ve never really felt pressured by my masculinity to NOT express myself, in fact I grew up under men who would sometimes tell me, “It takes a real man to cry.”
Like Crazy anyone?
Maybe I just don’t understand it.
I mean, I’m not a romantic most days – but sometimes I can be very “original” if the Lady I’m interested in brings it out of me. Everyone doesn’t warrant my romantic-side – and I think Gents like myself (there are probably plenty) get a bad rep because of that fact.
I’m not saying that all women show their bleeding hearts to every person that wanders into their Life, nor am I saying that every Gent keeps his heart in an icebox. I just feel like you run into different types of fellas as we go through our 20′s and early 30′s.
You’ve got the previously mentioned Icebox Bros who won’t let anyone in at all. Cue Omarion…
These men dropped their masculinity once for romance and got burned by someone somewhere, so now his masculinity and disinterest is a shield.
If you need another example, take the Biblical story of Samson & Delilah. In short, man likes woman, woman betrays man, man prays to God and kills a lot of folks...
He’ll drop it again one day (maybe – depends on how much he was into the madam who broke him), but that will take a lot of patience and kindness from someone. To be honest, I don’t even know if you can call these dudes “Masculine” vs. just plain “Sad” (not in a pathetic kind of way — just somber).
After that you’ve got your guys who really had deep feelings, they just never express them for whatever reason (perhaps that’s where the rub with masculinity comes in at?) until it’s too late… Procrastinators.
Drake’s song “Marvin’s Room” fills this prototype nicely. Fact is, as Drake typifies in this song, these types of men are very sensitive. They just have problems – haha. I’m not knockin’ them at all, many a man (self included) has been here at some point or another in his Life. We aren’t suppose to stay here though.
Another form of these guys would be exemplified by Gavin DeGraw’s “Not Over You”…
While he’s not as deep in as Drake was – this type of man just lies to himself vs. not speaking up. In the end though he ends up in the same confessing position as the previous song.
I honestly see all of the previously mentioned types of Gents as warnings. I don’t want to get myself in those states anymore (because I HAVE been there) – and I wouldn’t wish a guy like that on any Lady. We men are difficult when we’re that way.
Lastly you have the Tell-all-Fellas. We’ll use Miguel here…
He’s Happy here, but he can be really REALLY sad too…
There’s nothing wrong with this if you find the right woman along the way – but how can this not be deemed expression? This man is clearly expressive – he just may be taken as a pushover in the process. Before you ask — yes — I too have been here.
There are many other levels of male affection, and I touched on it in a previous post (sort of) when I told you all about the website The Man’s Guide to Love (which can be found at the bottom of the site in the “For a Gent’s Reference” Section). With all of this going on, I just don’t get the “masculinity suppressing romance” debate. I feel like every man has the capacity within him to be a romantic fool if he finds the woman worth his time and she treats him well…
But I’m just one Gent (in training).
What do you think? Are men devoid of Romance because of their Masculinity? If you’re a man, speak on why you either are or aren’t a romantic in relation to your masculinity & Ladies, tell us about your current or past boyfriends/husbands and how they were to you. Let’s get it out in the air in the Comment Section below.
Peace and thanks for reading.
