Alright – just so you can know how I got my hands on this classic for women (written by Lois P. Frankel, PhD), I didn’t seek it out. My girlfriend was given the book as recommended reading for a job she had and I noticed it just sort of laying about her place. She’s a busy body so I cracked it open and took a look at the Table of Contents while she was working, just to see what types of things were mentioned in this book.
What I found intrigued me.
Here’s the Table of Contents from the book as found on the BARNES & NOBLE website…
Introduction xiii
Chapter 1 Getting Started 1
You start off with your typical stuff that you find in almost every business book on the planet. “This is how you use me,” says the book (and so on).
But then things go and get interesting. You see – this book breaks down aspects that I not only feel women should know, but (in my non-expert opinion) that every business professional should know. And the book was wildly popular in its day and I’ve seen it sworn by from many an HR Professional.
Chapter 2 How You Play the Game 19
1 Pretending It Isn’t a Game 20
2 Playing the Game Safely and within Bounds 22
3 Working Hard 24
4 Doing the Work of Others 26
5 Working without a Break 28
6 Being Naive 30
7 Pinching Company Pennies 32
8 Waiting to Be Given What You Want 34
9 Avoiding Office Politics 38
10 Being the Conscience 40
11 Protecting Jerks 44
12 Holding Your Tongue 46
13 Failing to Capitalize on Relationships 48
14 Not Understanding the Needs of Your Constituents 50
The focus of the book is to point out the don’ts that you’re committing. It’s pretty much like knowing your enemy in order to defeat them. Learn what mistakes you’re making (haha – in this case be man enough to look at your errors) and correct them accordingly.
Chapter 3 How You Act 53
15 Polling Before Making a Decision 54
16 Needing to Be Liked 56
17 Not Needing to Be Liked 58
18 Not Asking Questions for Fear of Sounding Stupid 60
19 Acting Like a Man 62
20 Telling the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth (So Help You God) 65
21 Sharing Too Much Personal Information 68
22 Being Overly Concerned with Offending Others 70
23 Denying the Importance of Money 72
24 Flirting 74
25 Acquiescing to Bullies 76
26 Decorating Your Office Like Your Living Room 78
27 Feeding Others 80
28 Offering a Limp Handshake 82
29 Being Financially Insecure 84
30 Helping 87
As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now the chapters get down into the heart of the matter on a number of topics from “How you Play (insert “the dreaded”) Game” to just plain marketing yourself better.
Say it with me -- "Learn from her" fellas. Don't check her out, don't get an attitude with her, don't think you know more than her... just learn. Better yourself. She's doing it.
Chapter 4 How You Think 89
31 Making Miracles 90
32 Taking Full Responsibility 92
33 Obediently Following Instructions 94
34 Viewing Men in Authority as Father Figures 96
35 Limiting Your Possibilities 98
36 Ignoring the Quid Pro Quo 102
37 Skipping Meetings 104
38 Putting Work Ahead of Your Personal Life 106
39 Letting People Waste Your Time 108
40 Prematurely Abandoning Your Career Goals 110
41 Ignoring the Importance of Network Relationships 113
42 Refusing Perks 116
43 Making Up Negative Stories 118
44 Striving for Perfection 120
I’m not one to admire books lightly – but this little tomb is thorough.
Chapter 5 How You Brand and Market Yourself 123
45 Failing to Define Your Brand 124
46 Minimizing Your Work or Position 126
47 Using Only Your Nickname or First Name 128
48 Waiting to Be Noticed 130
49 Refusing High-Profile Assignments 132
50 Being Modest 134
51 Staying in Your Safety Zone 136
52 Giving Away Your Ideas 138
53 Working in Stereotypical Roles or Departments 140
54 Ignoring Feedback 142
55 Being Invisible 144
I’m going to let you peak at every chapter’s contents because I really want for you to understand the depths this book goes to. Granted – does a lot of this seem Business 101? Yes! But that’s the point – this is a 101 book. It’s meant to be something that you can always go back to and refresh yourself with from time-to-time. You can become a professional Professional (yes I meant to say that twice) – but you’re never too good for the basics.
Chapter 6 How You Sound 147
56 Couching Statements as Questions 148
57 Using Preambles 150
58 Explaining 152
59 Asking Permission 154
60 Apologizing 156
61 Using Minimizing Words 158
62 Using Qualifiers 160
63 Not Answering the Question 162
64 Talking Too Fast 164
65 The Inability to Speak the Language of Your Business 166
66 Using Nonwords 168
67 Using Touchy-Feely Language 170
68 The Sandwich 172
69 Speaking Softly 176
70 Speaking at a Higher-than-Natural Pitch 178
71 Trailing Voice Mails 180
72 Failing to Pause or Reflect Before Responding 182
By now it’s worth pointing out something that’s obvious as well… a lot of Gents have some “Female Tendencies” (whether or not that’s a bad thing I leave to you – don’t color me sexist). It’s true.
Image by © Darren Kemper/Corbis
That said – why not look at a book with a slant towards the female professional to learn how to manage those more feminine sides of your work persona.
Chapter 7 How You Look 185
73 Smiling Inappropriately 186
74 Taking Up Too Little Space 188
75 Using Gestures Inconsistent with Your Message 190
76 Being Over- or Underanimated 192
77 Tilting Your Head 194
78 Wearing Inappropriate Makeup 196
79 Wearing the Wrong Hairstyle 198
80 Dressing Inappropriately 200
81 Sitting on Your Foot 202
82 Grooming in Public 204
83 Sitting in Meetings with Your Hands under the Table 206
84 Wearing Your Reading Glasses around Your Neck 208
85 Accessorizing Too Much 210
86 Failing to Maintain Eye Contact 212
I didn’t have the privilege of living my formative young-manhood years under my father’s guidance, but my mom taught me two valuable things I think every man should take into consideration as he matures. 1.) You’re never to wise to learn something new. 2.) You’re never too much of a man to learn something from a woman.
If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’.
Chapter 8 How You Respond 215
87 Internalizing Messages 216
88 Believing Others Know More than You 219
89 Taking Notes, Getting Coffee, and Making Copies 222
90 Tolerating Inappropriate Behavior 224
91 Exhibiting Too Much Patience 228
92 Accepting Dead-End Assignments 230
93 Putting the Needs of Others Before Your Own 232
94 Denying Your Power 234
95 Allowing Yourself to Be the Scapegoat 237
96 Accepting the Fait Accompli 239
97 Permitting Others’ Mistakes to Inconvenience You 242
98 Being the Last to Speak 244
99 Playing the Gender Card 246
100 Tolerating Sexual Harassment 249
101 Crying 251
Appendix Personal Development Planning and Resources 255
Now I admit – some topics may hit on a very gender-specific note, but those are rare occurrences in this text. This book can make you better at Business in general – whether you’re a man or a woman. I encourage you to go and find a copy somewhere and digest as much of it as you can.
Are you uncomfortable reading “for her” books if you’re a man and vice versa? I understand if they’re romance books – you know, like “How to Get HIM Ladies” (made up title) or something like that — I wouldn’t read that. But do you see the value in the subjects this book covers? Just looking at the Table of Contents alone – do you see any areas where you have room for improvement? Share your thoughts in the Comment Section below.
Peace and thanks for reading.
