Alright – although I’ve written about flirtation at the office in a past post in the Business Section (from a professional level), I’ve been asked for advice on just checking the “fineness” of your coworkers in general (Thanks Tiffer luv). Some coworkers are admittedly distracting – Does anyone remember the Debrahlee Lorenzana/Citibank issue last year? It’s real in these streets.
A lot of people – especially Men, don’t know how to deal with finding a coworker extremely attractive. Crap — I didn’t learn how to manage it myself until recently! But I’ve got great news to share with you all — there is a way to not get pulled in by the unrelenting fineness of your coworker. You just have to keep a level head through it all. This advice is for both Lady and Gent alike…
You have to learn to say no… to yourself.
I work with plenty of folks who just have a hard time saying “no” – and it’s not just saying no to others, they’re horrible at saying it to themselves. Fight those urges that you oftentimes find harmless when it comes to attractive coworkers who you’re trying to remain professional with.
If you want to look at their butt as they walk away – look at the ceiling, eventually it’ll become habitual to not look. If you can’t help but gawk at her breast when she’s wearing “that shirt” just try and focus on getting lost in her eyes (but don’t stare like a fixated animal). These are just little ways of subconsciously building up a “don’t look” association within yourself. And don’t go convincing yourself that the whole look but don’t touch rule comes into play here — why? — because it starts with a look.
So first just tell yourself no. Once you’ve mastered that…
Actually try getting to know your coworker.
I don’t mean over one-on-one lunches etc… that doesn’t help initially… The idea here is that it will humanize their fineness a bit more for you. As vulgar as his language is, my man still has a valid point between 0:33 – 0:51 in this classic scene from 40 Year Old Virgin *NSFW – wear headphones if that’s where you are*…
Don’t go putting any female or male sex thangs on pedestals. When you do that, you literally feel like you CAN’T resist. I’ve been there. There was this girl at my current job who I was just a blubbering idiot around each time I saw her because I branded her beautiful in my mind. Once I got past that and got to know her a bit more – she just became another person.
Also (and I’m not saying you should look for flaws here) getting to know someone better makes them look worse at times. She (or he) may not be so fine if you find out that you can’t hold a worthwhile conversation with her. Think about it.
Mentally picture them being great to [insert whatever you want to do here... "be in a relationship with", "have sex with", etc.], now picture it once the Honeymoon Period is over…
If you had to guess... how long would you say these two have been dating?
How good does she look now? I’m not trying to extinguish your flame here, I’m just trying to make you realize that whatever fantastical imagery you have in your mind of this person’s fineness is probably next to non-existent. Picture the change in your budget. Picture the potential arguments. Picture everyone else knowing about you two at work and if you don’t make it — now you’ve got that awkward “well you know so-and-so used to date” things happening to you at work all of the time.
And what about her friends?
Fine as she is – she’s gotta’ have a few friends to gossip with (Ladies – insert a “he” where appropriate). I know people say that kissing and telling is bad, but everyone’s got a story to tell – and most people can’t hold anything when they do. If the person seems social, imagine your name accidentally coming out over a conversation and then her bud, we’ll call her Stacey… Stacey decides that other lovelies at the office must know. Now there’s an epidemic of “everyone else is in your business” going on and you can do nothing once the trigger has been pulled.
Some guys are fine with this – and if you have nothing to hide, you should be. But most people know that at some places dating within the office is almost as taboo as they come.
Ask yourself how well this person can keep a secret if you feel like they should.
If you haven’t noticed – what I’ve been trying to do here is bring your ideal of this person down to Earth a bit. That’s it. That’s my biggest bit of advice. You have to get out of the sexual/romantic (we’ll just call it “passionate”) fantasy you have on repeat in your brain. I’ve had to do this before and it worked for me – maybe it will work for you.
And I’m not anti-office romances. I happen to think that Love (or whatever) is great wherever you can find it. I just acknowledge that getting down with the hot person at work can be a risky move for both your personal and career life, so I lend these tips as survival tools of sorts.
Now…
If you want to know how to successfully carry on a secret relationship with a coworker…
O_o
We’ll just save that for another post someday 
What do you think of some of my methods? Do they seem a bit too easy or am I just doing a good job of making it sound like that? Have you ever had a fine coworker situation? How did you get past it? Tell us the juicy stuff in the Comment Section below.
Peace and thanks for reading.
Very entertaining Johnnie. You have wisdom beyond your years.
Thanks RC